Last Tuesday night the first paid helper lady came for the 2 hours I go to stitch&bitch. It was a hellish beginning to the day -- can't summarize it, but suffice it to say when she came in and asked how my ma was doing her answer was "I've been better! I'm mad at 'daughter.'"
But I got to leave and never think back.
Only now I am back and she called today (Wed) to say that, during the shower she gave my dad, she discovered an... ahem... infection in his penis, and now BITCHY has to deal with that, 'cause I've decided, as long as she is alive and physically able, THAT is her domain. period.
(Then my friend MCary misunderstood another comment I made, so I corrected it)
Oh, I'm sorry if I misdirected you. He is not bowel-incontinent yet. And he still totters into the bathroom during the day to pee -- I know, because he doesn't remember to flush.
But he doesn't clean himself at all well, obviously, IF he's got a UTI. When I finally "took over" the job of helping him dress in the morning and at night, I'd get to the point of changing the Depends and would hand him the "baby wipe" and say, "Ok, now dad, you use this to clean your private parts while I go get fresh underwear, ok?"
When I'd come back in he'd be dabbing absently on his knees with the wipe. Then I would chicken out, and seeing that mom was nearly "asleep" in bed already (having consumed her daily 3-5 ounces of vodka, maybe some wine, and a shot of whiskey before bed), I'd just have him step into the clean Depends.
When mom first wanted someone to help him shower, she stated clearly she wanted to hire a male nurse/helper. When I said I could certainly help she insisted no, "You shouldn't have to do that." Which meant (to me) that she didn't want his daughter handling his private parts!
Although later, when it came down to being too expensive to hire someone (e.g., Home Instead charged only ~$14/hour, but they required a 3-hour minimum), I got pro-active and purchased a shower seat and installed the hand held sprayer, and she devised a means of privacy whereby he would wear jockey shorts to shower with my help, and then to finish his private areas, she would come in.
This worked ok for a while, but I became a little concerned listening to her "help" him, thinking she wasn't being thorough or careful enough with slippery/safety issues. So I butted back in a little and she got exasperated with me, huffing, "Oh for God's sakes, you've seen a man's penis before!!"
A very true statment, and as an individual striving for enlightenment, I should be able to rise above my inhibitions and just help the man clean his body! After all, he NEEDS the help, and it's not like HE is exhibiting any discomfort with this... But for some reason, I'm feeling that -- as long as mom is alive and "well" -- this should be HER responsibility! God knows she doesn't hesitate to proclaim dominion over everything else to do with dad... why should she pass on this very intimate task?
As for his current "condition," who knows how long he's had this (probable) urinary tract infection. I haven't noticed any behavior hinting at pain, and he never complains, so maybe it's new? (At the ER on Aug 17, his urine sample came back clean...but, don't know what they looked for...)
In any event, BITCHY said (just now) that she doesn't think he EVER cleaned "that area" (I assume she means under the foreskin), and says that he does not remember! She thinks it just shouldn't matter. "What difference does it make, and anyway, he's not in any pain."
Still, we're going to the doc today, and I hope I can be present to at least HEAR what he has to say. Maybe I'll still be unable to bridge that comfort zone and will leave it to others for his hands-on treatment. Whether mom or hiring Gee to do the task, if mom balks.
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